Musicals. They suck. But for some reason,
they just keep making them. But every cloud has a silver lining. For example, some musicals have these
super-hotties you can stare at while hoping your girlfriend doesn't notice you're actually listening to your iPod instead of following the plot. And in all fairness, a few of these musicals aren't even that bad. Some of them have cool stuff like killer plants, rock & roll, time travel, and lots of boobs. Couple that with these hot chicks, and musicals almost sound enticing…almost. Here are the ten hottest chicks in the history of musicals.
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She's nice. She probably smells good. She wears revealing clothing and keeps a pair of handcuffs in her purse. In fact, if you don't mind a girl who lisps and can get over the whole "spontaneously breaking into song" thing, she just might be perfect.
On the downside, you have to spend the whole movie feeling sexually confused by Tim Curry in drag. On the other hand, does that even really matter when you get to see young Susan Sarandon without a shirt on for practically the whole movie? Plus, she's basically begging for sex. Oh, and we hear she's single now.
Okay, so maybe this movie isn't a musical. But can't we just take all the points Julie Andrews has earned from other musicals, combine them with the big opening number and the musical grand finale and count it as one? Because, and this is very important, if you make it to the end of this movie, you get to see her actual boobs. That’s right, Mary Poppins' naked breasts. And not by accident. She straight-up rips off her dress and shows you the goods like she means business.
Yeah, Sandy's okay, if you want to be stuck with a perky blonde prude. Then there's Rizzo, who has a filthy mouth, a sense of humor, and a willingness to put out. And in case you don't believe her, she's also willing to sing an entire song about just how easy she is. That's pretty easy.
The good: Nice personality, good swimmer, seashell bra, red hair. The bad: her fish parts are on bottom, so your chances of scoring are pretty low. Unless swimming over a giant pile of eggs and fertilizing them is your thing. If it is, then this would be a match made in heaven, especially if you like being romanced by sea creatures.
Click to see a somewhat offensive crab convince you to make out with a mermaid.
Michelle Pfeiffer is pretty much the hottest 50-something woman we've ever seen. But she was incredibly smoking almost 30 years ago in the unfortunate sequel to Grease. Also, she might have VD, because she keeps saying she wants a man who will burn her through and through. If that doesn't sound like Chlamydia, we don't know what does.
If you watch "Mad Men," you probably remember the episode when all the men were sitting around watching Ann-Margret in Bye Bye Birdie and Peggy Olsen was secretly jealous. As great as that was, we picked her in Viva Las Vegas because she played a singing, dancing swim instructor. Oh, and she's got really nice legs. Plus Elvis is there
Ummmmm...does this really require any explanation? It's Traci freakin' Lords, okay. The things she used to do for money... it's just not right. No really, it wasn't right because she wasn't legal. But she's definitely over 18 in this movie.
Henry Higgins worked hard to create the perfect woman. Like an actual perfect woman, not like Bette Midler in The Stepford Wives. But we like her dirty mouth too. A lady who can curse like a sailor is always welcome in our camp.
It was a tough choice between Marilyn and Jack Lemmon in this picture. Who knew he would clean up so nice? It's like looking at an old auntie. But Sugar Kane Kowalzyk really wants to be loved by you, so she wins it.
